Lauren’s Law: Funny Toddlerisms

Confession: I’ll admit — for a brief moment — I thought I made up the word “toddlerism.” Apparently, the Urban Dictionary was already ahead of me, and I’ll share the parts that are acceptable for print.

“A child between the ages of 1 to 3 … Pushing boundaries and throwing fits.”

Yes, this is true. However, a key part left out from the definition is how toddlers say the darndest things.

Here are just a few toddlerisms of pure gold from my 3-year-old daughter, Charlotte.

“I took my slippers off because my feet were soggy.” Soggy? What a creative and nauseating way to say “sweaty.”

Another favorite of mine: “Can you turn the sun off?” Thank goodness for blinds.

“I had a fuzzy floor at my old house. Now I have a wood floor.” Yes, carpet is fuzzy, so Charlotte’s technically not wrong.

One that always brings a smile to my face is when Charlotte reinvents “Deck the Halls” lyrics as, “Tis the season to be Carol.” My mom’s name is Carol, and I just can’t stop laughing when I think that it’s the season to be her. Go mom!

Several of her absurd phrases happen during mealtime and involve food or drinks.

“My fingers are a little jammy. I have jam hands. Can I have a napkin?” Not quite jazz hands but sounds just as thrilling! And yes, take all the napkins Charlotte.

When I shared a sip of my chamomile tea for the first time, she called it coffee repeatedly. Then asked inquisitively, “Do lemons melt?”

Next up: “If you eat too much shrimp - you turn into a panda!” Clearly, we’ve watched the Disney animated film “Turning Red” way too much lately. My other toddler daughter, Riley, who is 19 months, is always singing the theme song, “oh my, oh my.”

Oh and while cleaning up our many, many dinner dishes, Charlotte loves to ask, “Daddy, can you whip mommy up some ice cream?” No complaints here – on dad handling cleanup or whipping me up some ice cream.

The other day at lunch, Charlotte loudly said, “I can hold my voice!” Did she mean “breath” instead of voice? Nope. She literally stopped talking on purpose for 10 seconds. I’ve never been more amazed and yes, I was holding my breath without realizing.

After this stream of consciousness from Charlotte, I hope you’ll write down all the funny things the tiny people in your life say. Then email them to me at lburke15@gmail.com, so I can laugh along with you too. They just might end up in a future Lauren’s Law column as well.

Lauren Burke Meyer is a Severna Park native who was inspired to write Lauren’s Law as a humorous play on the well-known Murphy’s Law adage: “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

Photos Provided