Lauren’s Law: Haircut Mishaps

I was 4 years old when the first haircut mishap happened. My friend Emily came over to play. What began as a pretend haircut quickly turned into me actually cutting her hair and mine. The result? Jagged bangs for me and an uneven haircut for Emily.

I wonder if Emily’s family truly moved away soon after the incident, or if her mother simply didn’t want her getting more pretend haircuts.

Next up — my sister, Kristen, took the scissor reins. From a young age, she aspired to be a beautician. She decided that practicing on our dolls was a good idea. Who was her first victim, er, client? Her American Girl doll, Molly McIntire, inspired by the World War II era. For anyone unfamiliar with this expensive doll, it retails today for roughly $150. I can’t remember how much this doll cost back in the ‘90s when she arrived in our home, but what I do know is it was one of the nicest gifts a young girl could get.

Naturally, my mom was furious with the unsolicited haircut. Those beautiful brown braids. Gone. More anger was headed my sister’s way when my Barbies and Babysitter’s Club doll had their own haircuts. Thankfully, Kristen has made it up to me tenfold, buying my daughters some of the best Barbies on the market.

The doll haircuts were not Kristen’s best work. That came later when she gave me a makeover at beauty school. I’ll explain. One summer, our mom had signed her up for architecture-related classes. A mover and a shaker, Kristen finagled her way into the beauty track instead. On her last day, her 7-year-old sister (yours truly) got her hair and makeup done. Dolly Parton style.

My oldest daughter, Charlotte, seems to be following in her mom and aunt’s footsteps. She loves playing with her toy scissors, miniature hair-dryer, brushes and salon chair with her doll. She’ll put many bows on her favorite doll’s hair.

One day, I had a flashback to that first pretend haircut while doing arts and crafts with Charlotte. Charlotte, also 4 years old, had real scissors and was pretending to cut her own hair. It happened so quickly. She actually cut a quarter-inch of her hair. I quickly scooped up the scissors and took the advice from my own hair stylist — “hide the scissors.” Up on the fridge they went.

Lauren Burke Meyer is a Severna Park native who was inspired to write Lauren’s Law as a humorous play on the well-known Murphy’s Law adage: “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”