Lauren’s Law: Toddlerisms, Take 2

Last year, my toddlerisms article struck a funny chord with so many of my readers. So, naturally, I wanted to follow up with some of the latest funny lines from the tiny people not only in my life but several of yours.

Sher Atkinson of Severna Park shared a hilarious moment when her granddaughter, Sophie, was 3 years old. Her mom, Sarah, had enough of a particular discussion and was trying to close negotiations and said, “OK, Sophie, I am done. It is either my way or the highway." Sophie looked at her calmly and said, “I’ll take the highway!”

My sister-in-law, Heather Ireland of Washington, D.C., knows I like to collect toddlerisms. My 4-year-old niece, Taylor, likes to say her nose is “juicy” when it’s a bit runny.

“Which makes sense in description, but, of course, is quite odd,” Ireland said.

I’d also be remiss not to feature some other classic moments from my two toddler daughters since last year, because boy have there been some doozies.

“I don’t want to try any sports,” my 4-year-old daughter, Charlotte, said last year. “I want to be a trash can when I grow up."

About a month later, she changed her tune and confidently said, “I’m the swim constructor because I’m an expert swimmer.” She meant instructor. Oh, and she barely made it through three swimming lessons. My family still has nightmares from those lessons.

So many of my favorite toddlerism moments from my girls happen around mealtime and at the table.

“It’s lemon Jell-O,” said Charlotte. “It comes with juice in it.”

She clearly heard her parents talking about limoncello. 

“I’m accelerating,” Charlotte said, not quite ready for dessert yet.

She meant digesting. Sometimes I wish my digesting could be accelerated, so OK then.

“I’m a lime,” Charlotte said.

This one took a bit of detective work.

“You have to hold your voice,” and then she began making a box in the air with her hands. Oh, she was mixing up mime.

Some sister-to-sister interaction included:

“Riley, peel your eyes open,” Charlotte shouted at her 2-year-old sister as we went over the Severn River Bridge with the gorgeous water view last summer.

On the same drive, Riley was yelling in frustration about the music volume.

“Too loud, turn it up.” That one really tricked me on whether to turn it down or up, so I simply pretended to adjust it.

“Ohh-kayyyy,” Riley replied.

Please never hesitate to share the comments from your little comedians by emailing me at Lburke15@gmail.com. I might just have to make this column topic an annual occurrence.

Lauren Burke Meyer is a Severna Park native who was inspired to write Lauren’s Law as a humorous play on the well-known Murphy’s Law adage: “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”